The killer is in the kitchen

If you're British, chances are you've been injured by a biscuit (aka a cookie, not one of those buttery breakfast things). Seriously, 25 million of them have the wounds to show for it (or possibly the headstone). Turns out these Custard Cremes were rated the most dangerous.

So irrelevant for most of us, but be on guard if you're traveling in the British Isles, or having tea at a Briton's house. And, for the love of God, somebody warn all those Old Toad employees!

Happy Birthday Mario Batali

My favorite chef from the olden days of Food Network (back when actual chefs did it),

and the man who was wearing those dreadful crocs way before anyone else (and also wore bright orange before that other chubby guy with the food show) turns 49 today.

Buon Compleanno, Fanta Pants!

Cake Wrecks

I'm going to a wedding this weekend, so I hope I'm not garnering any bad karma for Choley when I post my new favorite blog: Cake Wrecks.

So. Painfully. Hilariable.

Here's a funny profile of the site's creator as well.

Top Chef Thoughts

So, as is the case with most reality television, I'm a bit late getting on the bandwagon for Top Chef. But thanks to Bravo constantly airing the previous season and Top Chef: Masters, we've finally gotten hooked. Well, not hooked as in love-it-can't-miss-it (a la Mad Men or Gossip Girl), more like these-people-are-so-annoying-but-worth-the-fifteen-seconds-of-interesting-culinary-creativity-and-seeing-someone-totally-ripped-by-judges.

Since the guys at Village Voice gave the go-ahead to start bitching about the show, I figured I'd fall in line.

First, like all reality television, there is lots of moving camera work, spliced with talking head moments from the contestants. Pretty much unmodified from The Real World. The scenes are ridiculously over-edited to create any sense of drama or conflict. Cooking within tiny windows of time with restricted amounts of ingredients in unfamiliar settings isn't exciting enough -- you have to get interpersonal up in here, too.

Secondly, though this fake drama is totally a hallmark of the milleu, somehow TC totally doesn't follow up on the other, more watchable, hallmark: all the fake/real/meta drama that happens when all these people are living in a house together. They never show that much house time! I keep thinking -- (a) chefs drink a lot as a profession (and as evidenced in their "vices" quickfire challenge), (b) they are in LAS VEGAS (where anything scandalous can and will occur at every hour of every day), (c) if I did my math right, there are 5 chefs to a room. 5! So it has to at least be a whiskey filled slumber party, if not the very essence of a co-ed dorm. Yet the only shot we had this season was of Ashley and Jenn writing in journals. Boooring. Seriously, America's Next Top Model brings about 195% more drama and it's just girls under that roof. Get out of the pool and go bring home some strippers and illegal drugs! Geez. Can't someone spin a teensy bit out of control for our entertainment?

Third, yeah the on-show marketing sucks, as do the very frequent commercials that allow 15 minutes of real action stretch out for over an hour (PS - why did the show go off at like 11:12 pm last night - are there no rules in television programming? It's not like it was packed to the gills with events). But my biggest ick factor is the fact that Tom and Padma both seem to be down with shilling virtually any corporation they come across in their down time. Doing a show as a chef/judge/competitor/personality is pretty much admitting that you can't hack the kitchen hours and you want to make some bank. Fine, you're allowed. But you gotta be on the show and then the Diet Coke or Pantene commercial following? Don't be greedy, kids. (Ok, Padma gets a pass because I honestly don't know what else she could be doing with her life beyond hair modeling. Watching her ex, Salman Rushdie, hit on every 20 year old at Butter, I guess).

Fourth, Gail. I can't decide. She can be dorkily honest -- plus 1. She doesn't seem to mind being the not-unbelievably-hot-one -- plus 2. She can be kind of panties-in-a-bunch about stuff -- minus 1. And while she's not the obvious "Vanna White" component, she does tend to throw the boobs out unnecessarily, which can undermine her credibility and at the very least isn't fair when all we see of anyone else is the white chef coat -- minus 1. I guess I'm coming out slightly in favor of Gail.

Fifth, the contestants [spoiler alert]: Kevin is going to win. Called it. He's awesome and he's so cool about not trying to talk smack but clearly being super-talented and down to earth. Love him. Jess will self implode because she's committed to failing and cannot get her lady balls together enough to do anything right. There's just too many other massive fails to have her weeded out yet, but obvis she's Donzo Washington. The whole Michael/Brian sibling rivalry is vaguely interesting and I really hope that comes to a head because their relationship is two things: bizz. are. (PS - strange how they haven't seen each --even Christmas?!? -- for like 9 years but then they both got all goopy over lil Sis in the Air Force. Just falling into the patriotic trap that everyone else did?). Jen seems like a huge bia but thinks she clearly deserves the win b/c Eric Ripert hired her. For his Philadelphia restaurant, sweetie. Deflate yourself a bit. Though this episode showed she's capable of being the Big Bad Boss...duh. Ron, oh Ron. You're delightful in a William Hung kind of way. Not exactly operating on all 6 cylinders, are we? Maybe that's the editing, but he's pretty much Mush-mouth, and I have serious doubts that he's processing the strictures of the challenges (clam chowder in the Nevada desert, his vice is that he took a boat from the Dominican?)

Ashley is my second-favorite, especially since she avoided lip service re: military service (and conversely, avoided making it another "gay issue" like marriage was last week). She also avoided totally bitching out Preeti, who deserved it for dumping the asparagus in her gnocchi water. Totally justified to go all Gordon Ramsey on her for that. Robin apparently later tries to cash in the Cancer Ticket, which could be cool. Eli is slightly under the radar but appears to have his stuff. Big ups ATL this season! That Mike guy -- who is SO L.A. I can't even stand it, and is top candidate for the much-needed drug addiction storyline -- is going to be the second guy out after Ron. Boy has way too much confidence and no skillz. Hector will follow closely behind Mike, though he might be a sleeper. Ash is great, love the sass. There is nothing finer than making a disasterous melty ice cream and having some high falutin' chef eat it up as a custard with a nice texture! Ha! Ash even had the decency to smother his laughter after getting lauded. Who's left? Well, doesn't matter. They must be boring.

To finish on a political rant, however, all the people of color have been or shortly will be voted off. Three chicks are gone. Only one girl has ever one in the previous 5 seasons. Kinda still a white man's world huh? And an urbanite's world too, of course. I'm also vaguely irritated that there's no real mention of shopping local, slow food, anything like that. If you want to win you gotta go for the pork belly or foie gras, and smother it in creme fraiche and wine or something. If you can work in the molecular gastronomy stuff that will probably get a win too. So trendy and so unevironmentally conscious. Let's see something sustainable and green for a change (except for all that plastic courtesy of the Glad family of products of course).

If you missed the episode (or others in the future), look for recaps at NY Magazine and Village Voice. I promise no more recaps here.

Tony D's Pizza

Tony D's coal fired pizza has been in Corn Hill Landing for awhile now. We went there not long after seeing a review in City Newspaper. I wasn't that wild about it at the time. If memory recalls, I had the carciofi -- artichoke -- pizza. This was before they had their liquor license and maybe they were just figuring stuff out. (Also, it was raining and I almost died slidding on their slick floors in my boots).

Well, after a few raves from friends (and after running out of any other casual Italian places to try), we visited again last week. I don't know if it was just happenstance but this time the food was much much better. The pizza is crispy and the portions are huge.

We started with a meatball appetizer. The meat quality could have been better, and I wasn't wild on the sauce, but the balls were huge and satisfying. (that's what she said). The sauce tasted just like tomatoes, but it did have a certain brightness. I would have liked something thicker, but it worked.

We then each got pizzas: I had the special and the Boy had the Vognole -- clams. The Vognole had clams, garlic, parsley -- all the usual clam pie contenders. Doesn't hold a candle to Pepe's of course, but it was balanced and satisfying. I think it's my favorite on the regular menu. Maybe some of my initial hesitation about loving the restaurant stems from the fact that nothing really grabs me on the menu, despite my rather broad-ranging love of pizza toppings. I was debating to make my own (although half of the great toppings aren't available on the make your own list) when the waitress shared with us the specials.

The special pizza that night was spinach, Italian sausage, garlic and ricotta. Why, yes please! Had I not gotten that last-minute option, I might not have had such an enthusiastic reaction. Always trust in the specials, people!


It would be remiss of me not to mention that they do now have their alcohol license. They have a decent stock of bottled beers (including Peroni in keeping with the Italian theme). And their wine list is rather extensive and of average price. I had been meaning to try a Primativo and was elated to find one by the glass for $8. It ended up being a little too drab with too quick a finish, but at least I got to give it a try!

One day I will have to also give their desserts a try -- the cannoli and the HUGE chocolate mousse cake both looked fantastic!

Hubby Hubby

Aww! Yay!

Taste of Texas

Taste of Texas, in downtown Spencerport, was recently reviewed by City Newspaper's food critic, James Leach. The Boy was overwhelmed with excitement when he first heard there was a new barbeque joint for us to try -- and one that received a rave review. So the other weekend we headed over to Spencerport, which is one of those downtowns chock full of "what a cute ___" places -- ice cream shops, waterfront bars, etc.

The good press was definitely helping out TofT because there were already people waiting when we got there, a few minutes before they opened the door at 1pm on Sunday. And about a dozen more came in by the time we were done. The service was very quick -- mostly because you order and the bar and the waiter/bartender/cowboy shoots the order down a zip line to the kitchen, where the alligator clip it's clamped to charmingly hits a cowbell. Perfect!

The food comes right out (or at least when you're there right after opening), and you pick it up, along with your fountain drinks, (beer, of which they have a large selection, is handed over at the cash register), sauces, soups if you ordered it, and even free loaf bread. I really liked that, as most no-frills (aka "legit") bbq places just provide loaf bread and nothing else.

I ordered pulled pork because the review said it was phenomenal. My two sides were fried okra and baked beans. The Boy had ribs, with Aunt Carla's broccoli and cheese and Aunt Nancy's cheesy potato. His complaint were that the two were perhaps a little too cheesy, cold, and heavy -- more in line with a school cafeteria casserole. I'd point out that maybe one shouldn't get two different side dishes with the word cheese in them. However, my fried okra was a bit of a disappointment as well. I was perhaps overly optimistic that it would be traditional Southern fried okra, battered by hand in the restaurant. Unfortunately, it was more in line with some kind of chain restaurants "poppers" or "bites" -- too much batter and not enough flavor. My spirits took a major nosedive when the waitress asked me if I wanted ranch dressing to go with my okra.

Both the ribs and the pulled pork measured up pretty close to Dino and Sticky Lips (although the pulled pork looked greasy, it mysteriously actually wasn't). The barbeque sauce was really, really good. A great match of sweet and spicy for my personal palate. However, the pork had definitely been dressed in the sauce with a generous hand. As were the ribs. I am an unabashed devotee of barbeque sauce, but this was a little much even for me. I think a word of caution for future visitors would be order sides that are acidic -- like the vinegar-dressed coleslaw. Fried and cheesy didn't seem to cut the sauciness, and while the baked beans were phenomenal -- the highlight -- with real bacon mixed in, they were too close in flavor to the sauce. My poor mouth just needed something different after awhile.